Disregarding the kids, you whirl on Candace and slam her to the ground with your horrific zombie strength. As she screams, you dig your fingers into her scalp and pull off the top of her skull like the shell of a hard-boiled egg.

Brains!!!

At this moment her neocortex looks better to you than a deep-dish pizza. You sink your teeth in, and devour bite after luscious bite.

...And in the process, you realize you're somehow gaining her knowledge as you feast. All her memories. All her thoughts. All her feelings.

They're almost all about you.

And they're not good.

As your supernatural insight into your wife's thoughts intensifies, you realize what the whole marriage looked like, from her point of view. Holy shit, you really were an asshole, it turns out. I mean, you knew you weren't the best husband, but come to find out, you were an absolute fuckstain the entire time. You just never noticed it before, probably because you were busy chasing very young T & A.

You stagger back from your wife's corpse, devastated by the sudden reveal that you've been a tool all these years. Even from a zombie's point of view, it's pretty depressing. In a fit of decency, you grab the shovel and use its sharp edge to decapitate yourself.


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