Keeping Rachael and Emily safely behind you, you rise to your full height and try to look imposing. It's very hard to imagine how that's going to help, but it's all you've got.

The figure of Christ emerges fully from the smoke before you.

"Wait, you're not Jesus," you say. "You're that guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

"Yeah, that's me. I'm in town to do some voice-over work for a commercial."

"Why the hell are you dressed like that?"

"Helps me pick up chicks."

"Really?"

"In church."

"Oh... wow. Jesus."

"That's usually what they say."

Then he shrugs off the conversation and advances on you, looking to eat your brain--until he notices the girls.

"Hey, ladies."

They both blush.

"I loved you in that movie," Rachael squeals. "You were so cute!"

"Cool, thanks. If you like, I can turn you both into zombies, and we can hang out later, right after I kill this asshole."

"That'd be great," Rachael says.

"Definitely," Emily says.

He shrugs again. "Cool." And then he proceeds to rip your skull apart.

Ah fuck, this ending sucks.


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